Sometimes I stumble upon things I feel compelled to share. After I found this Free Running video I came across a flash game that’s inspired by parkour ideals called Canabalt. I wrote a review for it but unlike most games I review I still play this game. It helps to have some competition.
11424m at the time of this post. Come at me.
Then I found a second free running video. I’ve been listening to the music in it all week. Enjoy.
I’m not well versed in politics and shy away from political humour. But this doesn’t look good.
For our American friends, the Liberal party is sort of a Canadian version of the Democratic Party.
For our Canadian friends, as of today’s post date, the polls place the Conservatives at 38%, the Liberals at 18% and the NDP at 33%.
[Photograph provided by an anonymous and concerned Liberal photographer]
Friends. I stand on the precipice of addiction. Like a crack addict who has beaten the habit and stumbled upon an errant crack pipe, I stare at the precipice of the pipe’s lip. I lean forward. My mouth hovers over the beloved cauldron that held my crack and scorched its contents into my lungs — and I lick the bowl.
I have logged back into World of Warcraft.
Have you ever heard hoof-beats echo in the amaranthine paradise of Zangarmarsh? Have you ever jonesed for Botanica?
You’re never really free of WoW’s talons. Your mind never recovers once your nostrils inhale deep of WoW’s pure item-hungry powder.
I keep pictures.
Look at her. Look at my female warrior.
When you die in WoW, you become a spirit of your character and have to run back to your slain body to resurrect yourself. In this screenshot I have fallen off a cliff and died on a spike that protruded halfway down the gargantuan mountain. In order to resurrect I had to leap off the cliff’s edge and attempt to land several seconds down on that exact same spike.
In many ways, my current situation is not unlike this screenshot.
You see … many moons have passed since I left the town of Stormwind behind me. Since then I’ve tried to forget the terrors I beheld beneath week old pizza boxes, and the twisted nightmares that have haunted my every waking moment. There’s something dark within me now; I can feel it, driving me towards the login screen, assuring me that my salvation lies within the ruins of ancient kingdoms. Though I know the way, I know not what events will arise to enable my journey, and as I pass through the Authentication check, I know that the better part of my soul will remain behind …
Forever.
I’d like you to meet my friend StumbleUpon. StumbleUpon likes all the same things you like. Specifically, it likes what you tell it to like. And it surprises you; not with flowers or blowjobs, but with kittens, free Game Boy Games online, videos of “Bruce Lee” playing ping pong with a nunchuck, and plenty of this:
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[Source: Hololz.com]
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All you have to do is click this link and enter your email, make a user name, choose a password, and tell it your birthday. You can lie about your birthday. Then you pick your interests. You’re going to want to pick these:
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Now click stumble. If you like something, click Like.
Remember that when you click “Like” you create a feeling inside someone’s heart that is akin to when Indy saves all those children in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Their tiny feet kicking the cutlery and table decorations, hands raised in triumph and freedom.
A rapturous parade.
Each Like makes webmasters children again, running to look at their website traffic every morning day and night. Won’t you give the gift of Christmas?
Feel free to follow me on StumbleUpon. I share purposefully. My Likes are my bond.
If you’re logged in you can even Stumble more efficiently from websites. Ever notice that share button all over the web? That’s world peace. You know what you have to do.
Click that, click StumbleUpon, then click “Yes” safe for work, then click “Humor.” There. Now laughter lives forever.
They say that the Greek Gods died because people stopped believing in them.
The other day I allowed myself to believe that SEO is bullshit. (For those unaware SEO is Search Engine Optimization. Basically it is various methods people employ when they create web pages on their site to encourage someone finding your website from Google or other search engines.)
I was listening to my Marketing Over Coffee podcast and I heard that them say that the SEO community is in an uproar over Google’s recent Plus One service. I began to laugh. My experience with the SEO community suggests they are not real people, but more like a swarm of flies on a shit-hunt.
If you’ve ever said “SEO” on Twitter you’ve probably seen some SEO “experts” follow you almost immediately. The other day when I tweeted my newfound SEO feelings I noticed that not only did some of the SEO flies land on my Twitter shit and follow me, they also followed those who engaged in the conversation. I’m pretty sure they’ve unfollowed me by now, looking for the next dung heap for bullshit pollination.
Don’t misunderstand me. I would never create a page or post or comic or anything online without considering SEO. If SEO was a scrap from Longshanks’s table and some crumbs fell on the floor I would dive on all fours and consume those crumbs tongue-first.
But this is the same as praying for a chance event. When you are searching for something on the internet, you’re looking for something specific. And if for some reason the link you choose to follow isn’t what you want, you close that page immediately. I can tell you for organic searches of this site, every single person who was looking for “sc2 cheese” did not read that post. Sorry automaton.
SEO matters for the home page URL. The towering flagship dick of your website. And that’s it. Do you know for most big sites most of their search-related traffic is from searching for your website’s name? You people don’t make bookmarks or utilize bookmark toolbars, you actually go to Google and type in “Facebook.” YOU BAFFLE ME.
But that doesn’t matter. I will continue to suckle the SEO teat and squeeze out the milk-shit. I will pray for that rare attraction between my SEO milk-shit and the fleeting attention of the swarm of internet flies, even if that fleeting moment that registers as a 100% bounce rate and 0:00 time spent on the site. I will continue to spend each day and practicing and repeating my mantra: CLICKS GO IN HERE (rubs website like a tummy).