Try a Podcast

by on September 17, 2010 at 7:24 pm
Posted In: Posts

Whoever you are, you go places. And I know damn well it takes you time to get there. If you drive you might listen to the news or some CDs. Maybe you plug in your iPod and shuffle through familiar friends. Commuters might read a newspaper or a book (those fancypants).

I suspect few listen to podcasts. And if you don’t, I implore you to try a podcast for one day.

I sense you dig in your heels, creature of habit. “I need my news,” you say. But people love talking about news as a precursor to sharing their opinion, so let your co-worker or friend tell you about news this one day. Let them have the spotlight on their opinion – they’ll love that shit. This is a social good.

Put away your everyday music.

My favourite podcast is the Joystiq podcast. I’ve sampled several video games podcasts: The Gamasutra Podcast, Giant Bombcast, Mobcast, Three Red Lights, Major Nelson Radio, Rebel FM, Brutal Gamer podcast, and 1UP Radio. Not all have survived my interest. (On a related note, if anyone knows what happened to host Tom Kim of the Gamasutra podcast please, please give me his contact info so I can send love letters)

The Joystiq Podcast has three distinct and individually charming voices. It feels like they share a discussion rather than a queue where each gets a turn on the soapbox. Their opinions have reasons. And Justin McElroy’s cackle, and off-kilter asides tickle me endlessly. This morning I listened to their Tokyo Game Show podcast where Justin sang an electronic ballad which mourned being left behind at “The United States of Lonely,” and mixed in his sobs as harmonized accompaniment. It was like the Jack Black, Will Ferrell, and John C. Reilly song at the Oscars, but better.

So if you really just zone out to music while you ride public transportation for half an hour, please know there’s more flavours out there. I won’t hide them from you anymore friend.

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Cannons: An apology

by on September 16, 2010 at 3:41 am
Posted In: Posts

His name was Kirin

He did not see me hiding

I cannoned his ass

That was a haiku, in case you weren’t clever enough to figure it out. I’m very artsy like that; one time I had a poem published in a paper, which at least one person read.

But there’s a higher purpose here, to this post. I want to say I’m sorry: I’m sorry to Kirin for cheesing you, especially after I ranted about said cheese not long ago. To be fair though, it was your fault. You didn’t even look what I was up to in that corner; you didn’t care. I wasn’t even intending on doing it but you left me no choice. Now you’ve lost your dignity, and I won’t give it back.

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Griff the Invisible

by on September 11, 2010 at 5:35 am
Posted In: Posts

Griff the Invisible deserves more than to be compared to other super hero movies, but super heroes are all about combat. A super hero’s nature demands us to ask: “Who is stronger, Superman or Hulk?” Or: “Who would win in a fight between the two?” People ask these questions because a super hero is only as interesting as his struggle, and we want to explore what they can overcome.

Since Griff lives in a non-super reality and has no powers, people would want to know if Kick Ass would beat Griff in a fight but the simple answer is: “There wouldn’t be one.” Griff spends his life working on an invisibility costume and then hiding that costume from people. Unlike Kick Ass, his enemies may or may not be entirely in his imagination; the two may not even be able to share a reality.

Kick Ass continues the recent comic trend of shock value. Much like Mark Millar’s Wanted, Kick Ass thrives in the realm of mastrubation and nudity. As a child I would have savoured every page of Wanted. But would I have identified with the main character’s struggle?

Griff the Invisible has more laughs than Kick Ass. It doesn’t require any shock value to be funny because watching someone blur the lines between reality and fantasy is hilarious. You might not find Griff as entertaining as Kick Ass (considering it has little to no action) but you will find it more true.

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Resident Evil 5: Versus Savanna

by on September 7, 2010 at 6:30 pm
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This post will upset my friends who can’t fathom why I’m not playing Starcraft II.

Yesterday my spiritual quest for cheevos led me to the Resident Evil 5 Versus mode.

If you’ve played Resident Evil you know your movement is a hindered dance. You can’t run and shoot at the same time, and both your movement backwards and the speed at which you turn left or right is slow. It’s a system that was designed to make players perpetually fearful of not being able to easily escape enemies – it was never intended for combat against a human player. But I’m a good dancer so I decided to compete.

It was not a competition.

If an online console community is still active after a year players who linger there are fearsome predators who toy with newcomers like powerless prey; I don’t want to admit how many times I attacked with a handgun when my opponent held a rocket launcher.

I know now to lead attacks with incendiary grenades so I can immobilize opponents temporarily. I know to circle around people who use the magnum and take advantage of the recoil from a missed shot. I’m also adjusting to the team-based combat.

The last thing to learn is the location of each of the strongest weapons (shotgun, magnum, rocket launcher) and the fastest route to each based on the spawn location. They seem so crucial to these online lions they don’t even begin the hunt until they get one. Should make a fine trap.

The other difficulty is the team of two friends. These guys mastered the Versus mode together and coordinate attacks over group chat. Meanwhile I get teamed with this kid.

By the end I was somewhat competitive and garnered some narrow victories. You know, I could use a friend on that savanna. Just think friend, for a few hours you can be toyed with while I show you basic tactics and weapon locations. Why play against players of similar skill when you can test your mettle against unrivaled beasts?

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SC2 multiplayer: that tangy cheese smell

by on September 3, 2010 at 3:37 pm
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Prepare for some bitching, by me, to you. Are you ready?

The night was young, ripe for adventure. I sat down, excited to be playing some Starcraft 2 2v2 and 3v3 matches with my friends. We got a game together, and I’m all happy to be in there against real humans, and then WTF MAC AND CHEESE. Fucking 6-pool: zergling cake with marine and zealot icing. It’s a bullshit tactic, but one that is all over the bronze league.

I mean, ok I’m in the bronze league; I know I suck. You don’t have to tell me. But I just started multiplayer, and I want to learn from other players and work my way up a bit. But I can’t, and neither can you, unless you cheese.

After being cheesed 3 matches in a row, it became pretty clear there’s no way out of this mozzarella fondue without your own cheddar. I went 2v2 and started void ray rushing. Imagine my surprise when the victories rolled in. Can’t defend your hive against that, can you, fuckers. At first I had a little rush of pleasure, I’ll admit, because I could actually win. But it gets boring quickly. I could change it up with 2 rax, 2 gates, 6-pool, [insert rush here], but I mean.. why? It’s not fun.

I hear arguments like: “it’s part of the game, this cheese.” Sure, you know what else is part of the game? The internet. If your internet goes down because I walk over there and fucking unplug it in a fit of rage, is that a valid loss? Perhaps, but it’s not very sportsman-like. Same thing here. And yes, you can try to defend against cheese by barricading your ass and microing as necessary, but when 3 armies approach your barricade and your friends are barricaded in fear as well, what can you do? Maybe you could counter by rushing first, and I think that’s exactly why everyone just rushes. It’s bullshit, and I’d prefer a real game. Perhaps when I move out of this shit-tastic league I’ll be happier.

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