Prepare for some bitching, by me, to you. Are you ready?

The night was young, ripe for adventure. I sat down, excited to be playing some Starcraft 2 2v2 and 3v3 matches with my friends. We got a game together, and I’m all happy to be in there against real humans, and then WTF MAC AND CHEESE. Fucking 6-pool: zergling cake with marine and zealot icing. It’s a bullshit tactic, but one that is all over the bronze league.

I mean, ok I’m in the bronze league; I know I suck. You don’t have to tell me. But I just started multiplayer, and I want to learn from other players and work my way up a bit. But I can’t, and neither can you, unless you cheese.

After being cheesed 3 matches in a row, it became pretty clear there’s no way out of this mozzarella fondue without your own cheddar. I went 2v2 and started void ray rushing. Imagine my surprise when the victories rolled in. Can’t defend your hive against that, can you, fuckers. At first I had a little rush of pleasure, I’ll admit, because I could actually win. But it gets boring quickly. I could change it up with 2 rax, 2 gates, 6-pool, [insert rush here], but I mean.. why? It’s not fun.

I hear arguments like: “it’s part of the game, this cheese.” Sure, you know what else is part of the game? The internet. If your internet goes down because I walk over there and fucking unplug it in a fit of rage, is that a valid loss? Perhaps, but it’s not very sportsman-like. Same thing here. And yes, you can try to defend against cheese by barricading your ass and microing as necessary, but when 3 armies approach your barricade and your friends are barricaded in fear as well, what can you do? Maybe you could counter by rushing first, and I think that’s exactly why everyone just rushes. It’s bullshit, and I’d prefer a real game. Perhaps when I move out of this shit-tastic league I’ll be happier.