I love Independence Day. And Will Smith. How could you not? I even watched, and possibly enjoyed, Hancock. I’m a monster.

But there’s a huge technical flaw in Independence Day that I just can’t overlook: Jeff Goldblum somehow magically writes a “computer virus” that infects alien systems. What, the aliens just happened to have a USB port available to plug in some malicious stick? They happened to be running Microsoft Windows? They happened to use x86? I didn’t know that evolution of species on other world’s included Microsoft, and 32-bit Intel processors.

It’s impossible. There is no way that scenario could ever work. I would have liked to be in the meeting during movie production where it was decided that this was the best path, just so I could have punched every person in the face. Except Will Smith. Never Will.

In my mind, the movie has always ended with Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum failing to inject the virus, looking surprised about their incompetence, and then dying along with the rest of the human race. I literally don’t even know how the movie really ends, because all I can see is rage.

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