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The comic is below – enjoy! Today’s comic came about because automaton loved the Sims story I wrote 10 years ago and encouraged me to recreate it. Today’s comic is similar, but with some changes. I wanted to use the most recent game (The Sims 3) which forced me to change the story a bit. It’s a drastic departure from our regular comics, but I spent a long time on it so we hope you enjoy it!

You think good looking people have it easy? Sorry. The Player family never had a lot of money. And Joanna’s outgoing lifestyle didn’t jive with her parent’s rules so she left. She stole 200 Simoleons from them and used it as first month’s rent for this two-room hole. But being alone with no bed and no food is scary. She calls out for help, but no one appears.

Joanna begins to know anger and desperation.

Social hunger drives Joanna to the local pool. She meets a charming, wealthy, and well-groomed man name Joe.

Poor and filthy, the best thing going for Joanna is Joe. Nothing to offer unpaid bills, no dowry and shabby clothes, Joanna pops the question.

He accepts and Joanna beams at him in her aqua-lemon floral nighty. Then she learns that Joe had quite a bit of cash that they now share. Joanna smiles.

Joanna is in a whole new world. She’s accustomed to making barely 100 Simoleons a week and today she made over 1000. She decides she deserves a treat. The house is remade: new rooms, new flooring, better furniture and appliances, and a bedroom surrounded by roses. The newlyweds marvel at their new furniture. Make it shine Joe.

But now Joanna has a problem. She’s spent a lot of Joe’s money and is in debt. Her job doesn’t pay enough. Joanna needs a solution to her problem so she talks to Joe, but he ignores the topic. This bothers Joanna. She assumed married couples helped each other out. Her anger and desperation returns, but louder. She finds herself fantasizing about stabbing Joe, but thinks the blood would disturb her. That’s normal right?

With the busyness of her marriage and household improvements Joanna missed a lot of work and was fired. With
amassing bills and one less job the Player family is forced to dip into Joe's personal cash money.

One morning while on her unemployed lazy walk she meets another handsome man. His name is Don. He’s just moved in across the street and is looking to make some friends. Joanna wants the same thing. She needs something else though, more than friends. She needs to go shopping.

Joanna spends Joe’s latest cheque to get some smashing new clothes. Gussy up!

When she tells Don she’s attracted to him he’s ecstatic. Suddenly, a revelation. Joanna finds a solution to her problems. She plans to marry Don and get another big, spanking, “mutually owned,” marital cheque.

Unfortunetely Joe catches Don and Joanna half-naked and smooching after a night of whoo-hoo. Joe turns on her. The pangs of anger and desperation return. Joanna was so consumed by hunger and loneliness she decided to fill it with love. Is that so wrong? Society spurns her as an unfaithful hussy, so she spurns society.

What to do? She doesn’t want to get caught again and she doesn’t want to give up her plan. Or Don. He’s hot.

While watching Joe in the shower the next morning Joe gets an idea.

If you stink and act like a beast, you live like one.

Joanna decides to put in a window so she can see Joe at all times. It’s like being in the zoo! She makes dinner for two and leaves Joe a plate. What’s wrong Joe? Not hungry?

Joanna Player marries Don: Husband #2.

Later, after their private wedding ceremony Don hears a noise outside. That is the sound of ultimate suffering. Though he finds this discovery disturbing, Don feels there’s something elusively troubling about the man his wife apparently keeps out back in a cage out back …

After three days of screaming and crying Joe finally dies. Coincidentally, Don had already called the police intending to report Joanna. The policeman gazes out at Death.

And then he promptly leaves.

You made a mistake Don.

Joanna beds and marries the next husband without bothering to learn his name. We’ll call him Number 3. Don’t worry Number 3, that man’s voice you hear outside that sounds like calls for help? Just wind.

Joanna is getting so good at husbandry she manages to get Number 3 in the cage before Don dies. Number 3 is in a confusing, emotional place right now. He’s not sure why he’s locked in a cage or why Joanna divorced him after three minutes. He tells Don about his broken heart. Don is way beyond caring about trivial things like feelings – he’s f$#*ing hungry.

Seems like Number 3 was older than we thought. He has a birthday in the cage and becomes an old man. Even Don celebrates his birthday. Lucky?

While her boys get acquainted Joanna reads up on her zoo-keeping. Apparently when they feed the animals in the zoo they die less readily and frequently.

The screaming and crying doesn’t affect her anymore. She reads about humanity with analytical detachment. She finds a curious sub-section about raising ants …

There comes a time in an adult’s life where they may desire to begin a collection. Some collect stamps. Others collect bottle caps. Joanna Player collects husbands.

Four cheques. Four husbands. Three living. One dead. All Player – Joanna Player.

Reading up on zoos has inspired a redesign. The men get put into temporary holding while they wait.

The ant farm design is simple – just four floors – it saves on lot space, materials, and cost.

Get your food at the top, head down the stairs, then down again, then num-nums. Joanna has learned to apply book smarts to do unto others as life had done unto her.

How therapeutic.

A touch inconsiderate though. Only one toilet means no privacy. Sure Number 3 could go to another floor, but he is sleepy. And what’s this? Refusing to go to the bathroom next to an unconscious enemy? That’s some bad Don logic.

The ant farm looks so empty. The pictures in the book show a colony of inmates bustling. This won’t do. Joanna has a solution.

In the ultimate indulgence of fantasy Joanna decides spread her righteous ideals in what will surely be known as the town’s most epic party ever. She invites everyone she’s ever met then splurges on art, entertainment, comfort, and yes, pizza. It's important to note that only two men decide to grab a slice.

The party seems to be going well. Some guests are dancing. Others are admiring the room. Can you spot the two gentleman whose malaise should tip off the others?

When Don collapses in front of a stereo from exhaustion the mood of the party swiftly changes.

From the bowels of the mock ant farm the latest Husband screams. He’s hungry in a way he’s never been before.
Number 3 on the other hand knew damn-well to eat a slice of that pizza.

The guests begin to know anger and desperation.

From behind two sets of windows (in view of excess grilled cheese sandwich) Joanna applauds herself.

People change for work. They are hungry, tired, and every single one of them have pooped their pants, but they are ready to go. They call out for help, but no one appears to save them. Joanna enjoys breakfast.

Should have had a slice of that pizza.

Probably would have been a good idea all around.

Housekeeping wants in. The final guest flees, but doesn’t get far. The maid cleans quickly and leaves. You know, I knew a man who once said Death smiles at us all; all one can do is smile back.

So keep on smilin’.