Johnny Stumpyhands needs your help. And I’m not talking about eating and grabbing things. Johnny’s debut a couple of weeks ago performed poorly. Look at those stumpy hands. Look at that mouthless sorrow. Johnny might be able to sing a lovely rendition of Ave Maria and he might be able paint the picture that creates world peace, but if this week’s comic also performs poorly we’ll never know.

Love him. Peer into those bulbous eyes that have to express what it is like to smell free samples, but never taste them. Are you going to stop us from telling stories of inevitable triumph? Tell your friends about Johnny’s story if he tickles you. Otherwise his songs and stories will see white shores … and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.