For those of you who have never seen Face/Off it’s about a police detective who goes undercover into a prison wearing the villain’s face. John Travolta’s face comes off and they put Nicholas Cage’s face on. Cage’s character (who is the villain) is supposed to remain in a coma, but he unexpectedly wakes up and decides take Travolta’s conveniently nearby face and assume Travolta’s identity.

It’s actually trickier to explain than it plays it out. “Face Trading” would have been a much more understandable (but less catchy) title. In the movie they explain that they change Travolta’s body so it looks like Cage’s body, but you can only change so much. Cage’s body (wearing Travolta’s face) remains unmodified. If you were a bad guy wearing someone else’s face would you have sex with his wife? I think you might~

Complex movie premises make for difficult jokes. Or posts. I was actually going to insert some dick swapping joke, where the Travolta’s cop character is told he has to switch bodies with Cage’s character and he’s like, “No, no! No way, that’s crazy!!” And then they lift the sheet on cage’s body in the crotchal region and the Travolta goes “OK let’s do this.” But they swap faces, not bodies.

Would you trade up your body? What about just your dick? Really think about that. Could you knowingly thieve and use and rub another man’s rhubarb?