I got Diablo 3 when it came out. I played it pretty hard until a few days ago, when I sort of lost my motivation. Before I get into that though, let me ask a question: Why is nobody talking about how Diablo 3 is a Lord of the Rings rip off? Let’s examine the evidence, scientifically. Because I’m a scientist.

The first point is that Diablo 3, Act III is basically The Two Towers. I mean really, the entire Act is you running around, on Helm’s Deep, lighting beacons and arming catapults. In addition, you’re stopping mobs of enemies who are suspiciously ogre-like from coming up on wooden Trojan horses. You even proceed to go outside, in the field, and mow enemies down with your light bulb. Here’s an artist’s rendition of you lighting the beacons:

 

Artist's rendition of Diablo 3 hero lighting the beacon in act III

 

The second point is that there literally is a bridge of Kazad Dum. Remember those narrow stairs the heroes had to take to get to it? Here they are:

 

Diablo 3 bridge of Kazad Dum

 

CASE FUCKING CLOSED.

Now, as to why I’m no longer playing Diablo 3. Let me explain something to you. Items dropping mean absolutely nothing. They suck. The only way you’re going to get good items in that game is to buy them off the Auction House. However, if you’re buying them off the Auction House, the only thing you need is gold. And the best way to get gold is to… that’s right, farm. Now, Diablo 2 was also a farming game, but you farmed for items. For you math types, let’s evaluate the following equations:

  • Diablo 2: Time + game = Awesome items that you can’t get anywhere else
  • World of Warcraft: Time + game = BoP items that you can’t get anywhere else
  • Diablo 3: Time + game = Shitty items that you just vendor for gold and then goto the Auction House and spend gold and potentially dollars later on.

I’m sorry, but if I wanted to farm for gold I’d move to China. Great job Blizzard.